Do you often say “yes” when you want to say “no”? Do you feel guilty when prioritizing yourself over others? If so, you may be a people pleaser. While kindness and generosity are valuable traits, excessive people-pleasing can lead to burnout, resentment, and a lack of self-fulfillment. In a 2022 Psychology Today study, about 50% of Americans identified as people pleasers with many exhibiting multiple people-pleasing traits. Bottom-line, you can’t please (or help) anyone effectively until you have health and wellness within you. Here’s how to break the cycle and reclaim your confidence and autonomy.
How Does Pleasing Others Affect Relationships?
People-pleasing can have a significant impact on relationships, often in ways that are not immediately obvious. While it may seem like a positive trait—being agreeable, accommodating, and avoiding conflict—it can create long-term challenges, including:
Loss of Authenticity: When someone prioritizes others’ needs over their own all the time, they may lose touch with their true feelings, desires, and identity. This can lead to resentment and emotional exhaustion.
Imbalance in the Relationship: Healthy relationships require mutual give-and-take. A chronic people-pleaser often over-functions This imbalance can lead to f, mutual frustration.
Resentment: Over time, suppressed emotions can build up, leading to resentment or passive-aggressive behavior.
Recognize the People Pleasing Signs
People-pleasing often stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection or conflict. The nine most common signs include:
- Difficulty saying no
- Apologizing excessively
- Seeking approval from others
- Feeling responsible for others’ emotions
- Avoiding conflict at all costs
- Choosing compliance over questions
- Privately enjoy being someone to “count on”
- Never picking a restaurant
- Never say “no” to an invitation
Set Boundaries
Start by setting small, manageable boundaries. If someone asks you for a favor, practice pausing before responding. Ask yourself, “Do I really want to do this?” If the answer is no, politely decline. Examples of boundary-setting phrases include:
- “I appreciate you asking, but I can’t commit to that.”
- “I need to focus on my priorities right now.”
- “Thank you for understanding that I have to say no.”
Get Comfortable with Discomfort
Saying no or asserting yourself may feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s necessary for personal growth. Accept that not everyone will be happy with your choices—and that’s okay. Their reactions are not your responsibility.
Prioritize Self-Care
When you constantly cater to others, your well-being suffers. Dedicate time to activities that recharge you, whether it’s reading, exercising, meditating, or spending time with loved ones. A well-nourished self is better equipped to set and maintain boundaries.
Stop Seeking Validation
Learn to value your own opinions and choices over others’ approval. Practice self-validation by acknowledging your accomplishments, respecting your needs, and trusting your judgment.
Get Support for Yourself
Breaking the cycle of people-pleasing isn’t easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. Consider talking to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist who can help you navigate this transformation with encouragement and accountability.
Final Thought
Overcoming people-pleasing is a journey that requires self-awareness, courage, and practice. By setting boundaries, prioritizing yourself, and embracing discomfort, you can build healthier relationships and live more authentically. And, when you become more practiced, it will just feel like detaching with love! Remember, your worth is not determined by how much you do for others—it’s inherent in who you choose to be.
About Celadon Recovery
Celadon is comprehensive addiction and mental health treatment center located along the shores of the Caloosahatchee River in Fort Myers, Florida. With a full-continuum of care including detox, residential, and outpatient programs, we are committed to quality substance use and co-occurring disorder care. Call us today at 239-266-2141.
